Excellence

As a student, my grades bloomed well in my primary school years, and after entering secondary school my grades slowly went downhill. I have been average among my peers ever since.

As a teacher, I was only average. I loved being with the kids but I was no miracle worker, unlike my colleagues, who somehow taught better, disciplined better, led better, organized better. My performance grade had been a C average until the last year of teaching when I took more medical leave cos of pregnancy-related health issues and I also didn't handle a pupil's parent's complaint about some silver bangle issue (I got a D) well.

As a wife, I think I'm average too. I am no sweet and demure wife with a gentle and quiet spirit, though I can be very quiet when I'm angry, i.e. staging a cold war. Poor hubby... who has to handle my nonsense through the years! 

I am no excellent chef either. I can only do porridge, pasta, soba and salads. I am thankful that my kids think I'm a great cook though! It's easy when I cook their favorite food with their favorite ingredients. 

I can't drive for nuts. I hate driving. Stresses me out too much.

The house? I suck at housekeeping. The toilets are usually grimey, the bedsheets changed at most monthly, the floors are seldom mopped. Toys cover the floor and sofa more often than not. I have friends who keep their house spick and span, with beautiful daily routines that they and their kids follow. Me? I tolerate the mess until they pile up and I cannot tahan anymore then do a big clean-up while barking at the kids for making the mess. So I'm no Martha Stewart. 

I am no excellent mother. I am harsh, I am fickle in my discipline standards, I shout, throw toys out of anger, and caned them probably too much last time. I criticise and scold more than I encourage and build up. I worry more than I pray. I say "no" more than I say "yes".  So yes, I'm quite crappy as a mum.  

Sigh, right?

I was just thinking about myself and my lack of excellence in most things I do while I was taking my shower an hour ago. I'm not super smart, super pretty, have a super figure or character or spiritual life. There are many others among my peers who excel in these various areas (or all of them!). I am not one of them. And I asked myself, why do I feel the pressure to at least excel in something? I realised after thinking through that hey, it is actually for human praise and recognition. It's like, "Look at how good I am! And yes you may start praising me now!"

So I realised my motives were wrong. And guess what? After my shower I read today's church devotional. The subject for today? "Praise from God".  *speechless*

Let me quote some parts of the devotional journal:

"God's focus in His judgement will not be just in our performance, but primarily our posture."

"We have great propensity for human praise, because it is visible, audible and present. The worse form of human praise is self-praise. Do you know how to live without human praise? Live life desiring praise solely from God, which comes on,y when the Lord comes, for until then, nothing in life is ultimately conclusive.

My takeaway? I do what God has led me and called me to do. Don't try to do what He has called others to do. I obey Him, yield my heart to Him, and follow Him. My audience is only one. May I not forget that. May my heart seek to please Him and not seek human praise. 

Being average is secondary. Even if my best was an average in the eyes of others, it's okay. No excuses for being lazy, which is something I'm prone to. Eh...so If I were to be excellent at anything, may it point pple to Him. May the glory go to Him.