The first fortnight

It's been two weeks at our new home and it has been good for the soul.

The past two weeks have been a busy one of unpacking, cleaning, buying, cooking, washing. We're trying to get into the groove of running the whole household ourselves (finally!) and while it has been tiring, I am happier. It's cool to see Hubby doing so much more housework than ever before, so that touches my love language part haha. The kids love their rooms. Small spaces, but it is their own space! My kitchen is tiny too, but at least I can decide what to do with it now. 

While brand new things like my ice cube tray turner has broken after the third use (tsk tsk Samsung!), new wooden spatula kena scarred from heat burn, and our precious new light-turquoise sofa has been stained by red wine on Christmas Day... things like these remind me not to over-value the house so much as to forget that these are just material things that we have been blessed with, to be stewards of. Don't hold on too tightly to them, must remember to keep the focus on using the house to be a blessing to us and others.

We just hosted our first family Christmas dinner at our place for our immediate families and it turned out nice. Simple but cosy. Looking forward to having more of our friends over to just hang out and chat. My kids can also finally ask their friends to come over to play or do project work together. 

We are finally home and so thankful to God for that. We are very much blessed. 

The last day of madness

I have been such a mad mom. Screaming at the kids to clear their unwanted stuff and to pack their belongings into boxes. There has been much resistance, disobedience and dilly dallying. And on my part, much screaming and angry death stares at the trio. 

I have a day left to go before the big move. Hubby and i don't think we can pack 100% of everything. There will be remnants and it will be okay. We can drive back here again and again to pack the nitty gritties in less hurry after the important and/or heavy stuff are moved over to the new place.

We have a day to go, and I want to be nicer to my kids and Hubby. I am praying for God's peace. And gentleness. 

So here we go! 

12.12.14

That's the day we'll be moving house!

Happy birthday, son!

N finally turned 6!

He is a sweet guy, to be honest. He has a sensitive soul, yet has a hearty chuckle for anything funny to him too. He is quite high C, so no changing of rules or plans too much. He cannot tahan one. He absorbs information around him like a sponge, and remembers stuff well. Just now, he beat me to the memory card game (pair up same numbered cards) by a wide margin! My memory is quite bad also haha. 

N looks out for the needs of his loved ones sometimes and when he notices for example, that my arms were tied up because I was carrying his napping brother, he just goes to get me a glass of water without me asking. Yea, heart melt moment. ;) Moments like these are not exactly regular, but it happens. And when it happens, you know he really does care and love. 

N has become more like a typical boy in recent months, where he goes running around everywhere, plays imaginary shooting games with whatever stuff is in his hands, and goes "bang bang bang" with his soft toys at night when it is bedtime. How do I know? His sisters. They are partially amused, but mostly roll-eyes at his antics. Just like how I did when I was young girl who just didn't understand why my younger bro kept playing with his Transformer toys or He-Man stuff and always want to pretend kill, shoot or hit his toys. Like, don't they ever get sick of going "bang-bang-bang"?   O_o"'

I like the fact that N really wanted to learn cycling so that he could cycle and hang out with his Dad in their cycling gear. It is just awesome to see his perseverance and don't-give-up attitude in his attempts to learn cycling. I'm glad that he did it and am so proud of him. Especially since I know how hard it is and me still not being able to cycle! 

N, you truly are a gift from God. We love you! 

The First Dozen

It's been 12 years since I wed my ex-JC classmate.

I've seen him around since I was 13 yrs old I guess, being in the same sec sch and all that.

We were in the same class in JC. I don't think anyone from our dear class would've guessed that two of us would end up marrying each other! ... Though I did think that he was kinda cool for being clever, especially in GP. We were basically a bunch of nerds then. 

We have watched each other grow up through two decades. From late teenagehood to our twenties, from being undergrads to becoming teachers, to being married to each other to becoming parents 4 times over. 

Happy 12 years, Hubby! Here's to many more dozens of years to go!  

Junkyard

Yup. My current place looks like one. I try to crop or angle the junk out of my Instagram shots most of the time, but no matter what, in reality, the piles of clutter are there. My first excuse? Well we moved from a 110 sq m flat to squat at my in-laws' condo. It has been 6 years of squatting. Here, we only have 2 bedrooms to ourselves. From 2 kids, we grew to double that number. 6 of us stayed in 2 bedrooms. Things just started spilling out of our bedrooms when we didn't have enough storage space. Shelves of books overflowed. Storage boxes of snacks overflowed. Toys were everywhere. Books--story books, school books, assessment books, they just kept increasing. There was no space to store them. My kids didn't have a study table of their own as there was no space to put any. They had to do their homework, art work, etc. at the dining table, of which 1/3 of the table top space was again, filled with piles of letters, snacks, medicine, vitamins, batteries, wallets, watches, brochures, odd Lego pieces. It was an eyesore that everyone just gave up trying to clear after a while.

It was BAD. 

For the past few days, I have been decluttering. I bet I've thrown away at least 20 bags of junk. And that was just from 2 areas in the living room area! My kids are like, "Wow Mom! The place looks so nice now!" Ha. Ha. Ha. 

I think there's gonna be at least 30-40 more bags of junk to throw away! 

-____-"'

Post conference

Situation D. Much ado about almost nothing.

Probably a sweeping statement that got carried away and got misunderstood. 

I shouldn't have let it fester for so long. So much (probably) unnecessary churning and possibly warfare.

It was nonetheless a journey for myself.

Note to self: next time fasterly clarify instead of multiply doubts.

*FACEPALM*

Situation D

So Situation D is probably going to happen. It's been months of mental, emotional and spiritual preparation. Given a choice, of course I'd rather not go through with it. I'd be okay to hide my head in the ground like an ostrich, like forever. But it is not going to be the case. The other party has contacted me again. I've to grow up and do the right thing. 

ARGH................

Temptation

Mark 1:

12 The Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness.

13 And he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. And he was with the wild animals, and the angels were ministering to him.

--

I just noticed that in the Temptation of Jesus, He was: 

1. all alone in the wilderness

2. tempted by Satan

3. with wild animals

4. ministered by angels.

The big eye-opener tonight for me is the fact that Jesus not only has to grapple with temptations from Satan, hunger and thirst, loneliness, He actually had to face WILD AMIMALS! Real. Physical. Danger!! 

Oh my goodness. As if physical weakness, great emotional and mental struggles weren't enough, WILD ANIMALS were thrown in to give ALL-ROUND STRESS for the FULL WORKS!! I don't think we're talking about wild bunnies or wild squirrels here. Probably real potential predators. BIG, scary animals that could KILL. 

I'm already scaredy-cat if I had to handle wild snails or wild squirrels. I can't imagine 40 days of all the above.

Faint. 

Thankfully, angels ministered to Him. Was Jesus comforted by their presence? I mean, they were with Him before He came to earth as a baby, weren't they? Perhaps they helped to remind Him of His mission too? I donno. Just wondering out loud here. 

The 40 days in the wilderness was no joke. Hats off to Jesus. 

Sigh. How could this happen?!

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/10/22/ive-cried-a-lot-lately-embattled-pastor-mark-driscoll-reveals-terrifying-and-severe-threats-his-family-has-faced/

Themes

These are the recurring themes I've often come across this year.

Abide in Him

Dwell in Him

God is faithful

Trust in Him

Graduation's done.

N had his graduation concert just a few hours ago. That marks the end of his kindergarten years. I think he has learnt well in his school and has been quite happy there. 

Time does fly! It wasn't too long ago that I remember checking on him on his first day as a nursery kid and when he caught a glimpse of me outside his school toilet, he cried! He has blossomed and grown so much through these 3 years.

It also wasn't too long ago that his first time being at the kindy grounds was when I was carrying him in my arms while he was having high fever during his Kawasaki Disease episode when he was almost 6 months old. Why was he there when he was so ill? At that time, we had just finished getting his blood tested at Mt A hospital (to test for KD) and we rushed like crazy to the kindy to see his oldest sister perform at the mini-concert in school. Now he is almost 6 years old and going to primary school in 2 months' time!

Which primary school is he going to? Remember I wrote about the divine appointment a few months ago? That we met my old friend and Hubby's colleague at a cafe at Gardens by the Bay? They advised us on how they got their son into the affiliated school and what we should do. Well it was really divine. N is going to that school! 

We are happy. We were actually also content to send N to the neighbourhood sch that is 10 min walk away from our new place as there was no news from that affiliated school ever since the registration exercise was over. Until a couple of days ago, when we finally got the news that N is going to that school. It is that famous Christian boys school. One that parents fork out a million or two to buy a property near that school to stand a higher chance of getting into that school. The one that parents spend at least 40 hours to volunteer at the school for the same intention. Or spend a few hundreds to join the school alumni if the were old boys of that pri sch.

We didn't have to do all that. It was God's hand. From moving Hubby to teach at his current school (instead of staying put in his previous sch), to having colleagues and friends encouraging and advising us to send N to that better (but MUCH FURTHER) affiliated school, to having that divine appointment. God was at work behind the scenes all along.

Thankful.

With much blessing comes great responsibility. Why that school? Let's see what God has in store for N, for us...

We got our keys!

The apartment looks nice overall. The rooms are very small, the noise from the expressway is quite loud, the living and dining area is quite tight too. 

But it is our home. 

Finally our own home, after 6 long years of squatting at my in-laws' place.

Had my father not insist that we accept his $100k help to get a 4 bedroom (compact) instead of a normal 3 bedroom unit, we would be getting keys to a smaller, tighter unit today. At the time of purchase, we only had 3 kids and we thought we were done with that and we were comfortable with having 3 bedrooms only. But thankfully we accepted my Pa's generous gift, cos now we have 2 boys and 2 girls, and they would be having their own boys and girls room! Plus, we have a small, tiny room that would probably be our study/play room. I've got the best earthly father and Heavenly Father! 

Defects are manageable : the oven, hob and hood don't seem to be wired properly, the floor tiles are slightly uneven with minor damage on a couple of them, and the common toilet door and main door need to be realigned. Nothing too serious, unlike some units that have very shoddy workmanship (we've seen the terrible defects of other units in our condo's FB group). For this I am so thankful! 

Side note: Our condo is using some fancy pneumatic waste disposal system, and the one at my lobby has been choked. The chute stinks of rotten food. Major stinko. Hope it gets cleaned up properly soon! 

For the next few weeks, we'll be shopping for lights, fans, curtains, kitchen appliances, pots, pans, knives, washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, and a TV. We might have to make a kezillion trips to IKEA (I totally don't mind) and the supermarket. And then also at the same time, declutter our current place, pack our books, toys and clothes, move them over hopefully before Christmas, and be ready for 2015 in our new place. And then I've to start learning how to cook real meals for my family. I'm gonna own the kitchen and menu. Exciting. 

Need to not only be friendly to my new neighbours, but also befriend them. Ministry starts from the home. Onward! 

The end is nigh!

The end of this year's exams for my daughters, that is.

And N's days as a kindergartener are coming to an end too.

Lastly, our days of squatting at my in-laws' place will soon end... after six long years. What a journey. 

We'll be collecting our keys to the new place on 4 Nov.

New beginnings. Yes. :)

And God just spoke about prayer. *BAM!* To me!

I wrote the previous post just before I went to wash up the kids' stuff and take my shower. After shower, my usual routine is to either read my church's devotional journal, or surf mindlessly on FB or Instagram then do the devotion. Today I went straight to the devotion. GUESS WHAT IT SAYS??

-----------------------------------------

Prosperity, Prayer and Perspective

-----------------------------------------

3 John 2-3; Psalm 1:1-6

John’s prayerful wish (“wish or pray”) for Gaius is: “in every way you may prosper and be in good health” (v. 2). In Greek, “prosper” “means literally, ‘to have a good journey’. Metaphorically, it signifies [as here] ‘to succeed’ or ‘to prosper’.” God created us as whole persons, and thus our redemption and its blessings in Christ is holistic – “in every way”. However, John prays that Gaius’ “bodily health and general prosperity may match the prosperity of his soul” – “just as your soul prospers” (v. 2), synonymous to “how you are walking in truth” (v. 3). Christians are “not automatically promised health and success. They are things to pray for, but they are dependent on a loving Heavenly Father's perfect wisdom and sovereign rule. God may or may not answer our prayerful wishes like John's. Spiritual health and strength can only get better and stronger; but not so in the physical realm, for when we grow older we become weaker, and then we die - but to eternity and immortality. 

------------------------------------------

Can it get more zhun (accurate) than this? 

I think the main issue here is not exactly about praying for healing or good health and wondering if God would answer my prayer or when. It is instead about praying to a Heavenly Father whom I can trust fully. In His arms, in sickness and in health, I am safe. Just go to Him instead of relying on myself. MUCH. TO. LEARN. 

...

Eternity beckons - when there is no more sickness and pain. 

Will God answer MY prayer?

Many times I pray for others, and believe (to what degree, only God knows) that God will answer my prayer for them. God loves THEM! He longs to show THEM His love, power and glory, change hearts and touch lives.

Well it just occurred to me that I hardly pray for myself when I am sick. Perhaps when driven to desperation then I might remember I have my God to turn to in prayer. Even then, I hardly expect God to answer MY prayer immediately or at all for healing of fever, sore throat or whatever ailment I might be having.I expect the illness to take its full course without divine intervention. Perhaps I've been disappointed too many times with "unanswered" prayers also (why no healing NOW? I want it NOW!). Yes, we live in a fallen world and diseases are just part of the consequential package. I don't expect God to rescue me every time from every illness. So I just simply hardly, pray for myself when I'm ill. I'm okay with no miracles. 

Sigh. This shows clearly how much I believe in God and His ability to answer my prayer (be it a Yes, No or Later). It shows how well or little I know Him in reality. If I TRULY BELIEVE that God loves me and He HEARS me, every single simple prayer for help, why don't I pray to Him more, talk to Him more? Will He actually comfort me when I am down? Will He really remove my fear and give me courage? Was that effort in being bold just my raw guts alone or His supernatural strength? Well I don't know, but I think it'd be good to start with child-like faith. Just simply trust Him. He is real. 

Lord, I want to believe. Help me in my unbelief! 

-I've got this mild fever since Monday. It's been yo-yo-ing up and down each day. And my throat feels swollen. Could be throat or tonsil infection. I HAVE to pray for myself, yes... 

Watch this.

http://youtu.be/G-V_91c5ojU

I put my trust in you

Tired D was late for nap time.

I asked him if he wanted me to hug/抱抱 him to sayang him for a while to soothe him to fall asleep.

He snuggled in my arms, holding one of his fav toy car, and lay his head on my chest.

He closed his eyes, body all calm and relaxed, and fell asleep real quickly.

He knew that in my arms, he can find rest and comfort. 

He fully trusted in me. He did not hesitate, debate nor doubt whether his mommy was a safe place to go to. 

He simply came, arms resting around me as I carried him in mine. 

He knew I loved him, and he just trusted me. Totally, fully, easily.

Do I trust my Heavenly Father as much, as easily?

Do I trust Him fully, to carry me when I'm tired? 

Do I find rest in Him? 

May I grow in my trust in God day by day. There's so much to learn from little children. 

Flu sux

Oh yes it does.

First, me, 2 Thursdays ago. I lost my voice too. 

Then N, 2 days later.

Then last Thurs, E.

Then yesterday, the rest of the tribe: Hubby, A and D.

I've never seen any tot of mine shiver so badly due to chills from the flu. 

The high fever that's going on right now among the last 3 casualties ain't fun. At all. 

It's definitely not the usual cold infection. This is the real deal. Influenza. 

Panadol is now my new buddy. I see it every few hours. Urgh. Stupid flu I hate you!!

For Princess Jolene :)

STILL - Hillsong

Hide me now

Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

ABC

In order for situation A to happen, I need situations B and C to happen. 

Then I know for it is in accordance to God's will. 

Situation D might have to happen too to prepare me for A.

Oh the dread.........

Nonetheless i have to trust in Him to lead the way. 

My girls

So I realise I did not blog about my daughters' birthdays.

A has turned 10 a month back and E just a few days ago just turned 8.

A is a preteen and I'm in unchattered territory. She is and will always be our first guinea pig. I hope she survives our nonsense and thrives despite our mistakes. It is not easy to discipline a preteen. Some days (ok most days) it is disastrous, other days it's all lovely and sweet. I wish things were as easy as when she was the cutest toddler girl, when she was the apple of our eyes, when she could do no wrong (that's easy when you're the firstborn and only child for a while). I do very much hope to help her grow up well, rooted in Christ, and spread her wings to soar, to do what God has planned for her.

E has transited well into primary school life. From a shy, timid and quiet kid, she has become more confident, nurturing, helpful and talkative. She currently is at a stage where she verbalises her stream of conscious thoughts to me most of the time, unless she's really tired or grumpy. That girl can really talk and talk and talk! E has less self-confidence (similar to me) and tends to think that she can't be as good as her older sis. She, being the more chin-chai sort, has a relaxed attitude towards her studies and school work. But somehow in her anyhowly-do attitude, she has learnt quite well in school. Not the top 10%, but considering the fact that I spend less time coaching her on her homework and tests, she's doing ok. Careless, chin-chai, but ok. One thing that stands out about her is her nurturing side. She is our resident babysitter. She is normally found near D, who is usually all over the place, doing nonsense at any time. She does this without being asked, unlike the other siblings, who I have to nag to keep watching over their toddler bro when I'm busy doing something else. May E grow to know deeply God's great love for her in her heart.

Baby D turns 2!

It has been 2 years. It has not been easy being a mother to 4 kids (it's exhausting!), and it has been quite a humbling experience trying to take care of the little mischievous one. He definitely defines his own rules and it takes lotsa repetitive training (still ongoing, yes) to get him to get our idea of what's good and acceptable behavior haha. He loves food. He loves eating. His breakfast can be a 3 course meal at times. First course--before his siblings go to school, second course--after we say goodbye to his brother (after N boards his schoolbus), and third course--whatever I/his grandparents are eating. 

He has destroyed/unwittingly hidden countless toys, books and whatnots. He has bent my spectacle frame into an almost irreparable mess while I was still asleep. He has thrown toys into the toilet bowl a few times. He has tried to splash with his hands the urine that he has pee-ed in his ikea potty. He has dropped an old iPhone, the Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? book, a Coach wristlet, a Domo purse, toy cars, etc. behind my bed's headrest, which is just a couple of cm away from the wall. The floor beneath my bed has been a graveyard to these items for a while. He has climbed and stood and bounced on the sofa, beds and chairs when unsupervised. He has eaten countless weird scraps of old food, dirt from the floor. He has a compulsive need to swipe down bottles and toothpaste tubes and whatever else is on the toilet sink. He just HAS to do it. I really don't understand why. He likes watching the countless DVD kids cartoon movies, YouTube videos that we plonk him in front of to keep him captivated for a while while we (mainly me) run off to pee, do laundry, or wash something up at the kitchen sink. He has too much screen time with the iPad! He loves cars. Actually anything with wheels, he just loves. 

His silly nonsense does seem funny on hindsight (hurhur). He certainly is one kind. Yet, I do love how he is so playful and cute and adorable at the same time. Yes, he can be so lovable, when his three needs are met. He MUST have sufficient sleep, food, and physical affection. Any of these variables missing would mean us having to endure his terrible whining and stickiness to me and crying tantrums. Still, he can be so cute, especially when he has in recent months started talking in his cute toddler voice. I think a talking toddler's speech is the second best thing to hear. The best thing to hear? A baby's laughter, definitely. 

Baby D, I love your hugs, I love your kisses. Never stop kissing your Mommy, okay? Happy birthday, my little one. You are deeply loved by all of us!

"Because I love God more than money"

That's what N said when he gave the $12 that he found among his barang barang. It was one of those CNY angpao that he didn't realise that he didn't give to me to consolidate and save after CNY. So he happily told me after finding the $12 that he wanted to give it during offering time in church at Sunday school. He said that his Sunbeam teacher taught them that they should love God more than any thing else in this world. Including money. And that lesson was imprinted in him well. I was encouraged. He looked forward to giving his offering while waiting for 2 weeks for Sunday to come (we missed church one Sunday, to his disappointment!) and mentioned it now and then. When last Sunday finally came, he was so glad to be able to give his $12. His 5.5 yo heart can be so tender and sweet sometimes. True, he has become more loud and active as a typical K2 boy... where running around is the preferred speed option and talking, singing loudly is the norm. Normal doesn't mean acceptable, haha! But at least his heart is leaning towards God's direction. For this, I praise God! 

Overwhelmed

By the amount of work that's to be done before and after we move house.

It was stressful just thinking about it.

But I realised very recently (like err, yesterday!) that while the work to be done may be much, I actually do NOT have to feel stressed by it. Being busy is one thing. Being tired also. But I don't have to feel stressed by it. It is possible to be busy and yet joyful/happy/peaceful/calm. It is possible.

With God's strength and lotsa coffee... I think I can. :P~

Freedom!

Now that I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding any baby anymore, it feels kinda strangely liberating to be able to eat whatever I want without feeling bad about it! I can drink as much coffee and tea as I want! I can drink beer! I can paint my nails/straighten my hair/color my hair without worrying about toxic fumes! I can even eat more salmon without worrying about extra mercury entering the bloodstream/breast milk. I'm so used to being cautious about all these stuff that it just feels weird to be able to indulge in them with wild abandon. I can even go have my tubes tied without worrying about the GA or painkillers (that one is another story for another day). And oh! I can eat any medicine now without requesting for those that are "safe for breastfeeding"( i.e. weak stuff)! I've been avoiding strong flu/cough meds, prescribed ones and OTC ones for so many years! 

Oh sweet freedom, how I've missed you! 

When the rubber meets the road

Sometimes you don't really know if u really know something until u kena tested. If not it's really easy to say-say only. 

Excellence

As a student, my grades bloomed well in my primary school years, and after entering secondary school my grades slowly went downhill. I have been average among my peers ever since.

As a teacher, I was only average. I loved being with the kids but I was no miracle worker, unlike my colleagues, who somehow taught better, disciplined better, led better, organized better. My performance grade had been a C average until the last year of teaching when I took more medical leave cos of pregnancy-related health issues and I also didn't handle a pupil's parent's complaint about some silver bangle issue (I got a D) well.

As a wife, I think I'm average too. I am no sweet and demure wife with a gentle and quiet spirit, though I can be very quiet when I'm angry, i.e. staging a cold war. Poor hubby... who has to handle my nonsense through the years! 

I am no excellent chef either. I can only do porridge, pasta, soba and salads. I am thankful that my kids think I'm a great cook though! It's easy when I cook their favorite food with their favorite ingredients. 

I can't drive for nuts. I hate driving. Stresses me out too much.

The house? I suck at housekeeping. The toilets are usually grimey, the bedsheets changed at most monthly, the floors are seldom mopped. Toys cover the floor and sofa more often than not. I have friends who keep their house spick and span, with beautiful daily routines that they and their kids follow. Me? I tolerate the mess until they pile up and I cannot tahan anymore then do a big clean-up while barking at the kids for making the mess. So I'm no Martha Stewart. 

I am no excellent mother. I am harsh, I am fickle in my discipline standards, I shout, throw toys out of anger, and caned them probably too much last time. I criticise and scold more than I encourage and build up. I worry more than I pray. I say "no" more than I say "yes".  So yes, I'm quite crappy as a mum.  

Sigh, right?

I was just thinking about myself and my lack of excellence in most things I do while I was taking my shower an hour ago. I'm not super smart, super pretty, have a super figure or character or spiritual life. There are many others among my peers who excel in these various areas (or all of them!). I am not one of them. And I asked myself, why do I feel the pressure to at least excel in something? I realised after thinking through that hey, it is actually for human praise and recognition. It's like, "Look at how good I am! And yes you may start praising me now!"

So I realised my motives were wrong. And guess what? After my shower I read today's church devotional. The subject for today? "Praise from God".  *speechless*

Let me quote some parts of the devotional journal:

"God's focus in His judgement will not be just in our performance, but primarily our posture."

"We have great propensity for human praise, because it is visible, audible and present. The worse form of human praise is self-praise. Do you know how to live without human praise? Live life desiring praise solely from God, which comes on,y when the Lord comes, for until then, nothing in life is ultimately conclusive.

My takeaway? I do what God has led me and called me to do. Don't try to do what He has called others to do. I obey Him, yield my heart to Him, and follow Him. My audience is only one. May I not forget that. May my heart seek to please Him and not seek human praise. 

Being average is secondary. Even if my best was an average in the eyes of others, it's okay. No excuses for being lazy, which is something I'm prone to. Eh...so If I were to be excellent at anything, may it point pple to Him. May the glory go to Him. 

Romans 5:8

D has this habit of drinking water from his water bottle, holding a mouthful of it in his mouth, and then squirting/spitting/leaking it all out. Other times, he likes to turn his straw water bottle upside down to make little puddles of water on the floor, sofa, table or high chair. So any of these acts normally elicits lots of NO NO NO!!! followed by smacks on his hands from me. Of course the fella is unrepentant and will almost always repeat the same crime moments later whenever no one is watching him.

So today, he formed a little puddle on his Ikea high chair tray while I tried to get lunch ready for him and N. So I smacked him on his hands after N alerted me to his puddle-formation. I've tried teaching him to say "Sorry" with his hand patting his head as a sign of sorry too but he is still unable to verbalise it out. The hand sign had to be done with me holding his hand to pat his head. I kept telling him to say "Sorry" but he couldn't or couldn't be bothered. So N, the big brother, said, "Kor-Kor say sorry for you ok? Kor-Kor love you! Sorry Mommy!" That was so sweet of him! 

I thought over what had just happened and talked about it with N: 

Isn't this just like us, when we do wrong things and don't want to say sorry, or haven't even said sorry to God, and Jesus said the "Sorry" to God for us first? God didn't wait for us to be sorry then forgive us for all the wrong things we have done. Jesus said the "Sorry" for us first, even when we didn't know it was wrong or when we keep on doing the wrong things, just like a little toddler who didn't understand his actions and could not apologize properly. Jesus did it for us, because He loves us. Just like N the big brother who apologized on behalf of his unapologetic little brother. :)

"... but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

Being philosophical

Been thinking about who God is. Who created God. Is God really love? Did us humans get lucky when God's character happens to be all good and all loving? So I have been thinking all these lately.

And just 5 min ago, out of boredom, I clicked on "Solid Joys"-- the daily devotional by John Piper. Today's devotion reads as such:

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10 Things “Yahweh” Means

God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.’ This is my name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations.” (Exodus 3:15)

God’s name is almost always translated LORD (all caps) in the English Bible. But the Hebrew would be pronounced something like "Yahweh," and is built on the word for "I am."

So every time we hear the word Yahweh, or every time you see LORD in the English Bible, you should think: this is a proper name (like Peter or John) built out of the word for “I am” and reminding us each time that God absolutely is.

There are at least 10 things the name Yahweh, “I AM,” says about God:

1. He never had a beginning. Every child asks, “Who made God?” And every wise parent says, “Nobody made God. God simply is. And always was. No beginning.”

2. God will never end. If he did not come into being he cannot go out of being, because he is being.

3. God is absolute reality. There is no reality before him. There is no reality outside of him unless he wills it and makes it. He is all that was eternally. No space, no universe, no emptiness. Only God.

4. God is utterly independent. He depends on nothing to bring him into being or support him or counsel him or make him what he is.

5. Everything that is not God depends totally on God. The entire universe is utterly secondary. It came into being by God and stays in being moment by moment on God's decision to keep it in being.

6. All the universe is by comparison to God as nothing. Contingent, dependent reality is to absolute, independent reality as a shadow to substance. As an echo to a thunderclap. All that we are amazed by in the world and in the galaxies, is, compared to God, as nothing.

7. God is constant. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He cannot be improved. He is not becoming anything. He is who he is.

8. God is the absolute standard of truth and goodness and beauty. There is no law-book to which he looks to know what is right. No almanac to establish facts. No guild to determine what is excellent or beautiful. He himself is the standard of what is right, what is true, what is beautiful.

9. God does whatever he pleases and it is always right and always beautiful and always in accord with truth. All reality that is outside of him he created and designed and governs as the absolute reality. So he is utterly free from any constraints that don't originate from the counsel of his own will.

10. God is the most important and most valuable reality and person in the universe. He is more worthy of interest and attention and admiration and enjoyment than all other realities, including the entire universe.

From “I AM WHO I AM”

--

I think I've got my questions answered. *in awe*

Weaned.

Done. D is weaned. 

It was definitely not easy with his feisty, strong-willed personality! Among the 4 kids, it was hardest to wean him off breastfeeding.

But he has more or less accepted it and resigned to he fact that there was "no more milk-milk!".

My heart aches a little cos this just means I've finally finished my breastfeeding journey with my last baby. That's it. No more.

Time to get myself reacquainted with some nice beer! Hubby, if u are reading this, I need my Little Creatures beer!!

---

Psalm 131

131 O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;
    my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
    too great and too marvelous for me.
2 But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
    like a weaned child with its mother;
    like a weaned child is my soul within me.

3 O Israel, hope in the Lord
    from this time forth and forevermore.

Ticking off the checklist...

Bedsheets changed.

Hair cut.

Toilet scrubbed.

Decluttering started.

Clothes frequently ironed.

Weaning process started. Sigh. All the MAD crying... T_T

Never been kissed

By another adult female (except for my Mum and late grandmas which was eons ago when I was little!).

But today, my cousin's wife kissed me on my cheek as she bade farewell to me and my family. She's very physically affectionate! She hugged my mum too to bid farewell. She and her family were going back to Penang after spending some days here in Sg for a holiday as well as to witness her son's NUS convocation ceremony. She's an encouragement. She told me to enjoy my kids while they are still young. Because time passes so quickly, in a blink of an eye her kids are now young adults and a teen. I still remember her as my cousin's girlfriend back in BM when he jokingly asked me and my little bro what we thought of his then-girlfriend. 

Time does pass by so quickly. The years are short. I do miss my girls' toddler years so much. Must dig out their old pics to remember their super cute years. Now that they are pre-teens, it's less of being cute but trying to be cool! Aiyoh.....

Divine appointment

After bumping into my ex-JC friend (who is married to my Hubby's colleague) and then having them explain to us the whole complicated procedure of getting N into the pri sch that their sons are in, I realised it was God's divine appointment. If not for them, we would've probably just blur-sotongly waited for the school to contact us for the good news. From the looks of it, we will only know by year end.

If it's God's will, I believe N will end up there. If not, what for the divine appointment? :)

Ascribe Greatness

This old song came to my mind today. Miss singing it! 

I was just wondering if the lyrics were actual Bible verses. Yup, realised they are, after a quick google search. They're taken from Deuteronomy 32:3-4.

Ascribe greatness to our God the rock

His work is perfect and all His ways are just

Ascribe greatness to our God the rock

His work is perfect and all His ways are just

A God of faithfulness and without injustice

Good and upright is He

A God of faithfulness and without injustice

Good and upright is He

———

There seems to be running theme of me being personally reminded of God's faithfulness since last week.

I wonder what's up. :P

I guess I have been grouchy and stressed. What with all the potty training, lack of sleep, failed attempts to start weaning off D, preparing for the new house (impending need to seriously plan furniture, curtains, paint colors, lights, appliances, etc), decluttering so that we move no useless junk over (which is a LOT LOT LOT!), worrying about N's primary 1 registration, not spending enough time with the girls, lack of time to do chores like ironing, changing bedsheets (URGH!), cleaning the grimey toilets, lack of devotional time with the older kids. And after moving house I have to cook lunch and dinner myself almost daily. Where to find time?? When can I cut my hair??  Wah stress. 

I have to remind myself: 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

"I can't, but He can!"

"God is faithful."

*takes deep breath*

Go! 

The days are long...

I've started potty training D and am half-heartedly trying to wean him off nursing. 

Poop and pee, I can take it. Success seems distant for now. And that's okay.

But the screeching and crying for wanting to nurse to sleep is torturous. For him and for me. Fourth time round and it's the hardest.

The days have been long, but the nights are even longer.

Pray for D and me?

Just like a Father's love

Last night, as I lay in bed and was pondering over what had happened as mentioned in my previous post (on God helping me to keep my promise to Him despite me wilingly, purposely wanting to break it), it dawned upon me, deep in my heart that, "Wow, God loves me. He loves me enough to step in even when I go against Him, even in the littlest of things like giving in to my temptation of buying unnecessary clothes. I wanted to break my promise, but He cared enough to help me out and to let me know that He's always there for me, guiding me, stopping me should I veer towards the wrong path." It was like Psalm 23 made real! I felt God's tender, fatherly love.  It has been a while since I last felt that. 

Many times I know in my head that yes, God loves me. He loves me to send His Son, Jesus, to die for my sins. A lot of head knowledge, but not often the heartfelt, emotional resonance that ought to accompany the head knowledge. So last night was one of the rare moments of realising in my heart that God truly loves me, and that His undeserved grace for me is real. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

Promise keeping

So I promised God that I'd spend less money and time in buying stuff online during church camp and invest more time in my family and God's Word.

(Buying stuff online requires time to browse through pages after pages of items. I do that often after getting bored from browsing through too much inane social media posts.)

And then Zalora gave me this discount code for VIPs that was an almost storewide 23% discount. I was thinking, okay, after this purchase of 2 Mango tops, I'll stop. It's just $43! No big deal! Lo and behold, I could not process my order! I tried twice! First time I somehow keyed in the wrong email account and I didn't want to proceed with that account. Then I tried with the more often-used email account with Zalora, re-clicked my order, hesitated for a few hours, and then tried processing my order last night, and my goodness I could not log in! My password was wrong! I never had problems with processing my Zalora orders. I have ordered multiple times for the past couple of years!

There and then I knew God's hand was there, stopping my impulse buying and promise breaking. He truly knows my weaknesses, and He'd even helping me to keep my promise! 

So Internet, here I am to declare: no more buying Zalora, Old Navy or Gap stuff online for the next few months. No matter how big the discount (ARGH!), no matter how little the order might cost. It's about the heart. Training my heart. 

Being rational

That's me. I may be emotional at times but at the end of the day, if something makes sense, is the rational thing to do, I'm in. 

The good part is yes, i make logical choices often. Blame my philosophy training for that. By nature I've always been like that actually. But the bad part is sometimes when it comes to making decisions, I might just lack the child-like faith and attitude. I forget to lean on God for help in making the right decisions. Sometimes it's not whether I've made the RIGHT decision or not (because God is sovereign over everything!) but HOW I made that decision that matters. Did I ask God? Seek Him as my Abba Father? Or did I just look at things rationally, made decisions with whatever variables that are best in my control?

Oh how often I try to do things myself and fail miserably! 

Today's sermon in church reminds me that I am never good enough. I can't lean on my own abilities. But God is MORE THAN ENOUGH! I can't, but HE CAN! 

Our God is greater than our hearts and weaknesses. 

Our God desires to answer our prayers and give us the Holy Spirit.

(Thank you, Ps Andy for today's message.)

Fruits or roots

Sometimes after investing time and energy into another person's life, you might get to see the fruit of your labour. But yet there are also many times when you yield no fruit.

Perhaps it isn't time yet. Perhaps that person is growing deeper and stronger roots for a firmer foundation.

We survived church camp! And this is what I've learnt...

What did I learn?

-That God made my kids just they way they are and I should accept them as they are, instead of being resentful. More cheeky? More talkative? More active? Accept them, and discipline and discipline them accordingly when needed. They each have their own God-given destiny. 

(This was after a friend shared with me about what her second son went thru as a baby. Deafness, potentially brain damage, multi-organ under development. Hospital visits were a weekly affair. Her son miraculously got healed and could hear after 2 yrs. He has gone thru much as young child and he's now got a strong will, i.e. quite stubborn! But she believes he has a different destiny. After hearing her story, I felt like such a twat for whining about my naughty, strong-willed super-active toddler. I should really accept him and embrace his uniqueness instead of comparing him with my easier-to-manage older 3 kids!)

-The joy of the Lord can really be my strength. I was ill. Very congested nose, fever just subsided the night before we left for the camp, and I couldn't smell a thing. Not fun. But somehow God's joy gave me strength. Focusing on Him and His goodness, instead of my misery, helped heaps. 

-Anger IS murder, or rather, being angry with/hatred for another person is anger. It is the subtlest form of idolatry. Anger management doesn't work. Surrender your anger to God. Jesus had to die for it.  Anger is our idolatrous attempt to control people for our own glory. It is God who chooses our neighbour, not us. He puts certain people along our way to love them. We are at our most ugly when we don't love those whom God has appointed as our neighbour.

-Love our LGBT friends and family members. Don't let them suffer or struggle alone. Don't let the first thing we do be judgement and condemnation. 

-Jesus warns us against greed. Materialism: Futility of greed as a lifestyle. Life becomes a series of accumulations. BUY->HOARD->TRASH. It's not what we do with money but what money does to us that matters. Our visual obsession will soon become our heart's obsession. Matthew 6:22,23. We can be physically/humanly sighted BUT spiritually blind. 

-Spend MORE time with family. LOVE them more. PRAY for them more.

-Be online less. Buy less. Worry less. 

Next week

We'll be at Kuantan. For this! : http://www.cefc.org.sg/index.php/camp2014

Just say it

A lighted candle that is all covered up and hidden is useless.

An unread book is just another object that takes up space on the table.

An unread love letter is just another piece of paper.

An unspoken message is as good as having none.

Just do it

"Being a Christian is less about cautiously avoiding sin than courageously and actively doing God's will". - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Abide. Dwell. Hope. Love.

Shyness

Perhaps being shy is actually pride in disguise? 

Where one is too proud and fearful of being rejected?

Where one's pride gets in the way of being brave to do and say the right and necessary things?

Where your feelings of needing to stay introverted/in your comfort zone are more important than meeting the needs of others?

I gotta ponder over this. 

I don't like to read books

...but "A Praying Life" by Paul E. Miller is actually one book that I actually look forward to reading when I have the time at night. It speaks so honestly about our very human struggles with praying. And I'm only at a few dozen pages into the book! 

(This book was given to Hubby by his mentor, whose wife is sorta like my mentor too in the mothers group meeting I attend monthly. )

It's blowing in the wind

Kawasaki disease and wind patterns. Who would've guessed that there's a correlation?

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2014/05/140519-kawasaki-disease-japan-china-wind-science/

There could be a link to Candida too.

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/health/china-winds-could-carry/1112910.html

Imagine...

... If Jesus has not come to earth, how would the world look like now?

I can only imagine hopelessness. 

White Elephants

Don't waste time, money and energy on white elephants.

Discipleship

-Is a long journey

-Includes discipline, friendship, support, love

-Points people to God and His love

-Begins at home

I'm in an IDMC church and it took me so long to finally listen and then realise Jesus really did tell us to make disciples. The "of all nations" part I haven't really internalized yet but ya I know it's there. 

Discipleship is hard, hard work. 

Support and love, not judge and criticise

I ought to write this down so that I can remember better:

When we have Christian friends who are divorced, we should offer them love and support, and not mentally criticise and judge their decision. The papers have been signed. What can I do about it? Nothing much actually (yes besides the usual pray-for-miracle part). Just being there to offer support, friendship and encouragement is probably what they need. 

I have been guilty of preferring to judge than love, and that's really gotta change. 

Grandiosity

Mother's Day. Father's Day. Birthdays. Weddings. Wedding anniversaries. Baby showers (what the heck?!). Baby first month celebrations.

Now with social media, we can see what our friends do to celebrate these special occasions. How lavish. Or how simple. How extravagant. Or how ordinary.

Somehow I feel there is a certain show-off factor in those who are prone to grandiose celebrations. Of course, why not show the whole world how much effort, time, and money you have spent to make the event special? Share in the joy with others, right? Post it on FB! And then you have friends who might feel inspired to do a big rah-rah party for their one year old tot too because, hey, my baby shouldn't be deprived of the balloons, clown tricks, party packs and three-tiered Thomas the Train cake right? He might blame me if he were to compare with his friends years down the road.

I don't dig this showing-off nonsense. Commercialisation of precious family events is one thing. Falling for it is another. There certainly is pressure to keep up with the Joneses. I have to keep myself in check too. But if you have your values and priorities straightened out, what others do shouldn't matter. So I tell my kids, as long as we treat each other right, love each other daily, that is more important than having big celebrations with people whom we aren't even close (or know, for that matter!). Keep it simple. What about Mother's Day? Father's Day? Honour your father and mother. Love God. That warms us parents' hearts more than anything else, anytime. 

However, I must say a nice chocolate cake on ANY day can help me keep calm and carry on my mothering duties better sometimes. And an affogato. Especially when the kids sap the life out of me with their noise and naughtiness. Peace offering is welcome, kids. Ahahahahahah.

Shopping time

Things to buy for new house, which should be ready for key collection in a month or two (YAY!), with the estimated costs:

Furniture (beds, sofa, dining set) ~~$$8000

Curtains ~~$500

Fridge ~~$1000

Washing machine ~~$900

Dryer ~~$500

Dishwasher ~~$1300

Vacuum cleaner ~$800

Dishes ~$400

Pots ~~$250

Cutlery ~~$100

TV ~~$800

Knives ~~$100

Clocks ~~$50

Paintings ~~$150

Wall paint ~~$1600

Shoe rack ~~$150

To be continued...

Thinking better

Some people can just share whatever's on their mind through normal conversation or sharing.

Me? I realize I clam up easily and tend to think more than I speak especially in group situations. I think better through writing. My thoughts come out more easily and freely.

Yeah that explains why people who are not close to me think that I'm a quiet person.

By nature, yes, I am a quiet person. It's just that these folks don't know the thoughts that are in my brain, being processed, held back, retrained, weighed through. Many thoughts. Sometimes I try to shut my mouth before nasty/nonsense/stupid words leak out. When it does come out, it means it's too late. So I don't like that. 

I only can be free to talk freely (I.e. nonsense) with my immediate family. And my bunch of close friends. If not, ya most people don't hear much from me. I can share more online though. Comments, posts, blogs... I prefer to write out my thoughts. They are usually deliberated first, so i feel safer that I can edit my opinions before they come out of my "mouth", which in the virtual sense means what I've written online. 

Just rambling la. 

--

I just had my first affogato yesterday. OH MY. Ice cream plus espresso coffee. Best combi in the whole world!

No mother should ever have to bury her own child

Long ago, when I was pregnant with my firstborn, Hubby and I attended a parenting course organised by our church. The facilitators/mentors were a married couple. They then had four kids already and their youngest was still a baby. Nonetheless they served, despite their busy doctor careers and four kids. They were kind, encouraging and godly. Patient and helpful.

This couple went on to have more babies while we had more of our own too. ;) As it stands, we have four and they have 8!

But yesterday, they just lost one of their kids. The baby was born with a genetic disorder. Despite the odds, the baby survived the pregnancy, childbirth, and even babyhood. But yesterday, the child was gone. A friend says her quality of life would have gone worse had she continued living on earth. So God in His mercy brought her home. No more pain. No more abnormality. Safe, healthy and now perfect in the arms of Jesus.

But the grief of losing your own child... I cannot imagine. I have nothing to say. Praying for God's peace upon their family.

Bored

I'm so bored that I'm gonna eat an ice cream. 

Black Magnum, come to mama!

Bee stung

D got stung by a bee just now after dinner. He was happily pushing an ikea stool around when he suddenly fell. I thought he had tripped and hurt his foot. He kept trying to reach for his left foot when I carried him to sayang him. I thought maybe a mild sprain at the most. His cries became screeches and he was in serious pain. I looked again. His second last toe looked red. I took a look at the underside of his foot.. There was a brown thing stuck in his toe! Hubby confirmed my suspicion of a bee sting and he quickly got out the sting with his fingers. Sob. Stupid bee!!! After that I tried to ice his wound but he cried so hard and his leg was trashing like crazy I gave up.

Good thing I squashed the stupid beedead with the dining chair leg when I spotted it on the floor while I was carrying D as he was crying away. 

D was fed Panadol by Hubby. Hope it really helps with his sleep tonight. Thankful he shows no allergic reaction except for mild redness and swelling so far. 

*^%#*^%#!!!!!😡😡😡😡😡

I'd rather be the one getting stung, really. E had it some months back and she told me the pain was horrible. I can't imagine. 

Looks like I've to postpone his first MMR shot. Please pray that he won't kena measles! I think 80 measles cases in densely populated Sg is no joke. I'd like to bubble wrap him at home (and the trio too) until they're 20, please. 

Sigh. Gotta have faith. 

Hope

Planes crash.

Ferries sink.

People become ill.

If there is no hope after death, it really makes life not worth living. 

If there is really no hope after death, what's the point in living your life well? It will come to nothing. It wouldn't matter. 

But there is hope, and He makes everything worth it.

There is hope of a better ever-after. There is.

He will wipe away every tear and mend every heartbreak.

Your mourning will turn into dancing. Your hope will be proven true.

Jesus, You are my hope. 

Dishwasher

Finding this today has sealed my decision: 

http://www.methodhome.com.sg/Product.aspx?ID=61&SID=81

I'm gonna get a dishwasher for the new place.

Finally, I brand that I know that I can trust, that uses non-toxic ingredients to clean dishes.

I have always worried about the chemical residue that cannot be washed off by dishwashers. I do not want convenience at the price of my family's health. Finding this Method brand dishwasher pack has made my day! Haha so auntie, don't care! 

It helps that Hubby is supportive of the idea of getting a dishwasher so that my dry, sometimes cracked skin can be spared of dishwashing liquid detergents. You know, the recent drought even caused the skin of my fingers (and even my left heel!!) to crack. It was ridiculous. My skin become less dry once the rainy weather started. Yes. Ridiculous. 

Anyways I am soooooo glad. I'm just gonna order Method stuff for the future dishwasher, pretty hand soaps for our 3 toilets, and the floor cleaner thingy to mop the future home floor. I am soooooo looking forward to the new place!!

T.O.P., FASTERLY COME!!!

Popular

Sometimes trying to be popular will get you nowhere.

During the time of Jesus, the people around Him were not necessarily always in awe or in love with Him.

Many doubted what He said. 

Many questioned what He did.

Many hated Him.

Many wanted to kill Him.

Did He bow down to pressure to be more politically correct? Did He seek to be buddy-buddy, harmless to all? Say niceties to please the ears of the leaders? 

Jesus didn't come to earth to be popular. He came to speak the truth, to seek our hearts, to turn our faces away from our wicked ways, and return to Him. Take it or leave it. It's ALL OR NOTHING.

Do what's right, do what you're called to do. Just like Jesus.

Haters? Jesus has seen them all. He died in their hands, after all. Died, rose again, victory won. Take it or leave it. It's really all or nothing.

1, 2, 3 and 4

So N had high fever on Thurs. 39+C. Incoherent speech from N was MOST worrying. I've never seen that in my kids. After Hubby sponged him thoroughly and fed him panadol, N's fever subsided through the night and by the next day late morn, he was fine already. Coherent speech was back. Phew.

It's Saturday today, and D woke up with high fever. Grouchiness increased by the hour and appetite was disappearing equally fast too. Oh well. All he wanted to do was to sleep, and so that's what he's been doing so far. After breakfast, E checked her temperature herself. She had mild fever. By lunch time, E was having high fever already. Oh the fun. After lunch, A checked her own temperature and realized she had mild fever too. And she had to go to her classmate's place to do a group project. It's one of those hands-on thing to create a model and then give a presentation kind of group work. Her absence would pretty much mean no contribution from her. But her presence would mean also she would probably be spreading this fever bug to her group mates, potentially making them absent from school next week. Hubby and I were hesitant to let her go. I told A to ask the host parents if it was ok that she went and they were totally cool about it. So she went, and came back at 6pm+ with high fever. Ya, sigh. 

What are my thoughts? Firstly, I can't wait for them to get well. Hopefully it's a simple 1-2 day fever and that's it for the remaining trio. Secondly, in a certain weird sense, I feel less uptight now that ALL of the four have kena-ed the bug, because then I wouldn't have to scream for the remnant healthy kid(s) to stay away/don't touch/share anything with the sick kid. Now that they are in the same boat, I don't have to scream about those things anymore. Now I just focus on temperature taking and ensuring that the fever doesn't get crazy-out of control. 

I hate fevers, I really do. 

Having a baby

A dear friend is due to have her first baby soon. Life's gonna change upside down and inside out. Life will no longer revolve around just the husband or work or the extended family. Life's gonna be harder, sweeter, scarier, funnier, and infinitely more tiring. But it'll be all worth it. 

And would I consider having another little baby of my own? Not if I can help it. Not in a million years. I'm all stretched out literally (LOOK AT MY STRETCH MARKS EEKS!) and figuratively, and sleep deprivation, lack of time to do so many things x 4 has been exhausting. I love my kids. But I think I can't handle any more, for the sake of my (and their) sanity. School fees, medical bills, bus fares, food and clothing...They all add up, and it is not easy on a single income. Why not I go work? Well not yet. Fattening the savings can wait, but my kids' childhood can't. I am already wishing I could turn back time to enjoy my girls' babyhood and toddlerhood once again. I miss their cuteness, baby chuckles and antics. *wistful sigh*

Goodbye, Miss Paul & Piano

My girls had their last lesson with the super awesome Ms Paul today. It's the last because she is moving on to teach at another place which is far from our current and future homes. Traveling takes up too much time and energy from my girls, especially A who has loads of homework almost everyday. Traveling further than the current music school would just kill her (and me probably).

Ms Paul was a godsend and I can probably never find another piano teacher who is more (over) qualified than her. I mean, can u find anyone else who has sang for the Queen of England?? (Ms Paul used to sing and teach chorale singing back in the UK). 

I am glad my daughters had a chance to enjoy learning the piano and a bit of singing under her. Couldn't have asked for more.

For now, we will take a break from piano lessons. Our current place is too hideously messy to invite a piano teacher to come over to teach A (E doesn't want to continue anymore). So we'll have to reconsider again after we move house. The expected TOP is 3rd Q 2014. Soooooo loooooong the wait. And unless God provides a good and affordable piano teacher who is willing to travel all the way to Segar Rd, we might just call it The End of the piano learning journey for the girls. I hope it is "to be continued..." actually. We'll see. 

Life is fleeting

Treasure your loved ones while you still can. 

 

#rememberingMH370

Attention, attention

Now what should I do when someone deliberately does something just to get my attention and admiration? Okay, specifically that person is trying to show off to me their precious treasure (e.g. luxury items, branded schools, great career, beautiful kids, expensive holiday trips, kids' good grades, etc). Of course, people like this kind are not my close friends (my girlfriends are nice people!). Sometimes it's just people I'm forced to interact with. 

I normally roll my eyes and pretend not to notice. I'm just wondering now if I should just give them what they are craving for (my Waahs and Wows) so that they are satisfied and we can just move on? 

People who have the constant need to show off... Are they insecure people? Or are they just arrogant, inconsiderate and proud? 

Whatever happened to humility? And maturity? -____-

I'm thinking of my late grandma

And I miss her.

Wish you could see my kids, Ah Ma. 

Ramen

Wah the ramen at Ippudo was very nice. Tried it for the first time with hubby and the 2 boys as a belated bday lunch treat from hubby (while the girls we're still not home from sch). I think it's the best ramen I've had so far. The thick, savory, flavorful and fragrant miso based soup was excellent.

Hide and Seek

My kids love playing Hide & Seek. They laugh, the squeal, and even give obvious clues to the seeker on where they are hiding (!?!) . 😅

-

Sometimes people who hide far, far away really just want to be sought and found. 

I see weird people

And I don't know what to do with them. I don't like them, I'm weirded out by them.

To think that I used to want to be a counsellor. How can i sincerely want to be one when I actually avoid the real people that i come across in my life who are not "normal" emotionally/mentally? 

A counsellor is supposed to talk to these very un-"normal" people, have empathy, and try to help them.

Fail lah. I can't do it. I don't want to do it.

It'd take a miracle if were to end up one eventually. It'd take lotsa work to rekindle that once-childhood ambition of mine. God's work, not mine. Only if He calls, because right now, I'm totally not willing. Perhaps I thought too highly of myself last time hahaha.

It's CA1 season

And I have no time to grill, drill and torture my firstborn with big piles of assessment books. On her own, she has completed 4 practice papers of an English assessment book already without my constant nagging. 

I think she's 3/4 on her own in her revision already. I do try my best to mark and explain her mistakes if she doesn't get them.  

Sorry babe, Mommy's still too busy with the 4 of you kids, especially the super active 4th one. Plus all the laundry that you guys generate daily!! My goodness. 

My happy hour is when all the laundry baskets are TOTALLY EMPTY. 

She's walking again!

Phew! Thank God!

Made E take a few wobbly steps this morning and she said no more pain.

Before noon time she got over her fear of the pain and walked more. Her right leg muscles have gone kinda soft after not using them since Wed evening. So yay! 

Heng ah. Tomorrow is the last day of MC also. Gotta call up KK to cancel the appt with the bone doctor. :)))

$98 for A&E fees.

X ray didn't show any fracture lines. May be soft tissue injury. Fracture not ruled out but it's unlikely.

Tues see bone doc at KK.

Urgh how to take cab with E's foot like that?

There's a first time for everything

And today, it's the first time I see one of my kids in a wheelchair.

It sucks.

Reporting 'live' from KKH.

I wanna bubble wrap my kids forever

So that they don't have to face creepy people at the bus stop like I just did this morning. Weird man was spitting every few mins. Looked weird. He probably can't help it. But what if he decides to spit at people? What if my daughters had to take buses themselves next time? And weird people spat at them because they are mentally unsound? Argh. 

When I was in sec school or JC, I once sat in a bus on my way home where a man sat next to me on the aisle seat and he started snorting/laughing away by himself. Then he started rubbing something on his lap. I assumed he was rubbing his finger. Another passenger got up and saw what he was doing, paused, stared, and left. Then I realized it was probably not his finger. Argh. I was trapped at the window seat, and dared not move or change seat. What if he turned violent or touched me? I quickly left when the bus reached my bus stop. I didn't look at his lap.

So. Next time my kids will have to take public transport to go to sec sch. MRT means potential molestors who grab the chance to squeeze near you in the crowded peak hour train. Bus also same thing. I told hubby once that the 4 kids should learn stuff like taekwando at the neighborhood CC to help with some self defense confidence. He said no use leh. I see how. So far I only see 2 options. Taekwando or bubble wrap. Amazon does sell bubble wrap, right? 

It comes in waves...

D had huge nasty mosquito bites on his face one night while sleeping with us on our bed.

I killed the bugger the next day in the toilet.

N had a bad fall, skinned his knee. Pain from the wound made him limp around for half a week or so.

A put calendula cream on one leg after I told her it might help with her dry skin. That part of the leg developed angry allergy rash. Itched badly for days. She came down with fever and headache yesterday. Got well after getting lotsa sunshine (waited for cab for 45 min) and some rest after the trip to the Guide House to get her Brownies stuff.

E slipped on N's transparent sch file on the floor yesterday evening while carrying D towards me after I called D to come take his shower. E cushioned the fall for D and cried and screamed in pain. Probably a bad sprain. She's been hobbling and hopping around at home, and other times needing to be carried by me/Hubby from point A to point B.

It's been an interesting couple of weeks.

😳

Well ya, the more kids I have, the more drama I'd have to handle more often. And that, my friends, forces me let go of the small stuff and focus whatever time and energy I have left on what's more important. Their health. Their character. Their dependence on God for all things. That God is in control of their lives, even when we, their parents lose control of what may happen or has happened to them. In the arms of Jesus, they are safe, come what may. I really ought to tell my kids that more often. 

Ok signing out. Time to help tackle their homework and give some sayang to those who need it. 😘

Is there a difference between homosexuality and same-sex attraction?

Worth a read. 

http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2014/february-week-1/homosexuality-versus-same-sex-attraction-is-there-differenc.html

I wish my gay friends all of God's redemptive love. Nothing can separate you from His love. 

If no hormones, then what's inside their chicken?

McD's ad in the ST today made me happy. It said that their chicken meat is hormone-free. Seriously huh? That new chicken burger with cheese looks tempting. Now I've got less guilt to stop me from feasting on their fast food. Their fries--still the best!

But I wonder how they grow their chickens without hormones. I mean, don't tell me McD can afford free-range chickens and all that? No hormones, steroids, antibiotics? Healthy grains and worms for their meals? I'm just wondering. 

Weekend is coming. Perfect timing to try out their new burgers with Hubby and the kids (oh what a bad mama I am! Blpth!). I wonder if it's too early to let D have his first Happy Meal? Heheh. Nah I think I'll still cook porridge for him. 

How can a tired mom stay connected with hubby

Yes, it is tough. Exhausting. Trying. 

Having babies, young kids, school-going children is tough. On a single income, with a few rare dates with Hubby each year only. Little sleep, fluctuating hormones at play, and pressures at the workplace. 

But still. we are blessed. God meets our needs. 

http://theresurgence.com/2014/02/12/how-can-courtney-the-tired-mom-stay-connected-with-hubby

Being unreasonable

Just as I expect not to be forced to wear a tudung as I am not a Muslim, likewise I cannot force non-Christians to accept what the Bible says, despite my faith in it, that it is all true and good. 

So if you are LGBT and a NON-Christian, it is UNREASONABLE, pointless and wrong to force you to follow what the Bible says. Whether 377A stays or gets repealed, it should not be done directly in response to any religious group. If you are not of the same faith, why should another person's religion dictate what is right or wrong for you? You obviously did not sign up for it! I'll be extremely pissed off if some religious group tells me that I can't hold my husband's hands in public because their religion said so. Like, SIAO AH?! None of your business!!! I don't answer to your deity or god! 

But if you are a Christian and LGBT, get into a community of Bible-believing friends. You are not alone. And you need not walk alone. God loves you. Jesus died for you. You need not hide from Him. He knows your struggles and He's still there. Always waiting with wide open arms. Do you take His Word for it? 

忍 忍 忍。。。

Fellowship

It is one thing to say that we have fellowship with other brothers and sisters in Christ. We have common ground, beliefs, mindset, worldview. We understand where each other is coming from. We try to encourage and support each other in our spiritual walk. We spend time together, commune with each other, enjoy each other's company.

But when 1 John 1:3 says:

"that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ."

It sorta blew my mind away. I can have fellowship with God. Fellowship with Jesus. We are on the same page. I am on the same page as Jesus! Same worldview. We have common ground. I can commune with Him, speak with Him, enjoy His company. I can get encouragement from God. Supported by Him. Me, a mere, imperfect, un-extraordinary person with a sinful nature, can commune with God. He gets me. He loves me. He sees me for who I am, blemishes, OCD, laziness and all. He sings over me, delights in me. 

Only because of the cross, only because of Jesus' sacrifice, can I fellowship with Him.

What precious fellowship! 

---

This post was inspired by Pastor Ed's sermon on 1 John 1-4 on Sunday.

Class Reunion

So my JC class had our 20th year reunion last Sat. The coolest thing about it was that our form teacher turned up too and she still talks the same way as before! When she was our teacher, she made GP fun, easy and interesting. She gave me confidence to write better essays for my GP with the little positive and encouraging comments that she left beside my marks for some of my essays. And I think that confidence and interest continued after JC, which partly made me want to be in the Arts and Social Science faculty in NUS. Yup. A science student since sec sch to JC then suddenly I plunged into sociology, philosophy and psychology. No regrets at all. 

Thank you, Mrs Heng. Your encouraging comments made all the difference. I wish I had thought through this earlier and told you on Sat! 

Happy 20th year, dearest SC2! 

Church camp

We're going after all! There's actually a family suite option that can accommodate our family of 6 (!!?!)!! It would not have been possible in the previous church camp location. 

Let's see how we can go beyond survival mode for this camp (like we have been for the previous camps) and try to actually be a blessing to the church people... We try la. Only God can enable that. 

Another divorce

Just heard that Hubby's cousin is going through divorce. Wish it wasn't so. Poor toddler that's caught in the middle. Sigh. Why??

Not a real SAHM (yet)

Me. Spoiled rotten since day one that I became a Mom.
Most of the time my MIL is around to cook for me and my family, be it at our old Senja place or now at her home. She cooks on most weekdays for us and Hubby cooks if needed on weekends.I can't cook much. My repertoire is limited. It's porridge, pasta, soba or udon. If I feel adventurous I buy the Prima Taste chicken rice premix and cook chicken rice. Somtimes I make salads, because no fumes, no frying, no cooking! Just chop up fresh ingredients! Sometimes I do butter rice. The only decent dish I can present to other people is braised pork belly (recipe taken from a local mom's blog). That's about it.

I have full respect for the real SAHMs who to the market by themselves (with or without baby/toddler/kid in tow), come home, chop up the meat, freeze them, think of recipes to use for the week, cook the dishes, feed the kids, wash up, etc. ALL BY THEMSELVES! So siong! I was telling the CG ladies last night that I hope I'll be ready to handle all these myself after I move out. It is a happy problem I guess. It's about time I grow in this area. Hope the skin on my fingers can tahan all the washing up. The CG ladies said I should get the kids more involved in the washing up. Maybe I should. But the anal/perfectionist/OCD part of me about hygiene and cleanlines has to relax a bit more first. I am anal enough to NOT continue with my previous part time cleaner's services after I realised she didn't wash her hands after pee-ing. She just flushed and opened the door! She was only in charge of ironing clothes but still?! Gross. Not even washed with water. I expect hand washing with soap and water after any toilet use u know. But I digress.

Will I survive all the cooking and laundry chores after we move out? Should I outsource the ironing? Especially after D drops his morning naps eventually? Perhaps. I'll give it my best shot and pray that I still remain a joyful Mom and err, pleasant wife when the rest of the family comes home from school. I hope they'll like my daily cooking. Haha. If not we can always order McDelivery... :P