In denial

I think my firstborn baby is slowly reaching the beginning of puberty.

I can't believe it. It's too fast! Wasn't she this adorable cute toddler girl not too long ago?

My heart is not ready. I do wish I could turn back the time to enjoy my girls more when they were so little and cute. Sigh!

Half a million dollars!

Recently, I did a rough calculation of how much money I could've earned in the last ten years. Not counting performance bonuses, CONNECT plan bonuses and whatnots, I could have made at least half a million dollars in ten years. That is a lot of money! Well, anything is a lot compared to earning zero dollars i guess! 

And so I have been telling Hubby and kids and even my parents that I gave up so much money to just stay home with the kids. My Pa said not everything can be measured by money. True. That's precisely why I stayed home. But many times I wonder whether it mattered, whether it made any difference to the family. If I had continued working, life would've been more comfortable materially. Was my staying home worth it? I really wondered often. 

Then today, E told me about her conversation with her classmate. Her friend envied her because E got to help me crack and cook eggs for dinner sometimes. She told E that she was very lucky and blessed that I am home with her, to be there for her, cook for and with her. Her friend is usually home alone without her parents as both parents worked, and she was the only child. Oh my.

I'm glad that at least E felt that she was very lucky and blessed too. Am thankful for this encouragement. 

Our songs

Mine: In Your Hands by Hillsong

His: Here in Your Presence by New Life Worship

Writing it down because I AM SO FORGETFUL! 

Current life theme

Run the race. 

Fight the good fight.

Focus on the Master, mission, mate and make disciples (kids). 

Not by my might of course. Sure CMI.

But by the Spirit of God. 

It's PSLE oral exam time

Which means I have a year to go before the eldest takes her PSLE exam.

One. More. Year. 

O___o !!!

Happiness is...

... Seeing your youngest kid finally taking a proper dump in the toilet! 

We have been enduring his screeching cries while teaching him that pooping on the toilet bowl is good and is for big boys like him. He didn't buy my hard sell many, many times, but today, he finally started to see that pooping on the potty won't kill him, and managed to calm down enough to dump 2 small ones and 1 loooong one into the toilet bowl. TMI I guess but I don't care man! I'm just so glad my days of wiping smelly poo of the toddler's butt is coming to an end. The end is nigh and it smells better already hahaha! 

Earthquake

The fact that some Singaporean students and teachers have gone missing as a result of the earthquake in Sabah is just too close for comfort. My heart ached so much when I just read the latest news that one Singaporean female body has been found.

It could have been any one of our kids. It could have been anyone of my ex-colleagues or friends who are teachers. Anyone who is a parent can almost feel the paralyzing sense of fear of loss or even grief. 

I have never felt the need for 11 yr old kids to go on "overseas learning journeys" as the education ministry over here likes to call them. There seriously is no need to. Unnecessary risks and costs are involved. Perhaps the kids can learn more about other countries better. Perhaps they can appreciate their family, home and school more after the OJL. But isn't 11 yrs old just a little too young for that?

No 11 yr old kid of mine is ever gonna go to another country without me or their Daddy, if I can help it! I'm so gonna keep them as close to the nest as possible till they are ready to handle walking, travelling around Sg by themselves and can comfortably and confidently purchase things in local shops, or even request for help from local strangers here first.

Sigh. Heart still aching. :(

Catching a glimpse of grace again

Is liberating and heart changing. 

And when the heart is slowly changed, the hands and feet would follow too.

So with that in mind, I must focus more on the heart of my loved ones. No amount of tugging and pulling can make them move unless they *want* to. 

Only God's love can compel us to want to know Him more, serve Him more, honor Him more, love Him and others more.

Poor to be rich

While richer friends get their countless luxury items without batting an eyelid, go on overseas holidays every half year, buy a new car without worrying about their bank account, or throw extravagant parties for their kids...

I chose to give them all up. Or rather, my Hubby and I chose together.

We chose to be poorer, to be richer.

It is tougher and less glamorous, and it is always VERY tempting for me to go back to work to feel more comfortable.

But for now, I will stay home. To be the mom that I am called to be.

Being a friend

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.  - Proverbs 17:17

Been contemplating what being a true friend really means.

Of all the friends I have, those whom I can be very real to, and not have to put a "I'm doing ok" front, can talk crap or my honest thoughts without feeling that I'm being judged... These are my real friends. They love me and accept me for who I am, quirks, struggles, weaknesses and all. In turn, I get to see my friends for who they really are too, and though sometimes we have different opinions on things, yet we try to see and understand each other's point of views, and still love and enjoy each other's company greatly and fondly.

My closest friends are but a few, and they will be there for me, even when I'm stagnating or not growing. Instead they keep cheering me on, listening, praying and encouraging. I don't feel judged by them, and I always feel safe with them. I guess I feel safe because I know that they really love me, warts and all. 

I realize they have shown what it means to be a faithful friend. They love me at all times. They are examples of Christ's love, and for that I am grateful. Jesus did not demand us to clean up our act before we could be His friend. He chose us to be His friends, and made us clean through the cross. His love is faithful and kind, even when we have not been to Him and others.

With this in mind, I have been thinking of how I love my friends and family. Will I still love them even when they become unkind, unspiritual, unloving? Will I abandon the friendship or keep a distance from the family member when I see no change in them? Obviously I should not. And obviously I've got to make more effort to help them know that when the going gets tough, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay, just like my faithful friends, just like Jesus. 

Motherhood

Is so tough.

Multiply that by 4. 

I wish I had more time for each kid, so that I can control their behavior, manners, studies and spiritual growth better. I'm sure I'll do a better job of controlling each of my kids if only they were my only kid! I'll cheer the single child better, I'll chill out with the kid more, I'll coach him/her in her studies everyday, I'll pray over every problem with the kid so much more. I'll hug more, scold less, cook better, sleep better, look better. I'll always be there for that single kid. But then again, I might return to work, after all, it's only one kid, and the pri sch age kid would be busy with sch from 7am to 2 or 4pm and there'll be no one at home who'd need me for this half of the day. Working means we get more money to indulge in the kid, go for more holidays overseas, buying nicer books, clothes and toys without worries. 

But having to let go and let God because I have many kids, and because of that, I have comparably greater lack of time and energy for each kid, means having to trust God more and relying more on Him--to come to their rescue, to watch over them, to grow them well, to really let Him be their God. 

Motherhood is a faith journey. Very very tough. But with Christ in the vessel, I believe I can laugh at the days to come. :)

Appreciation

Sometimes it takes imminent death or death of a person for us to finally take a step back and think about how much the person has done for us and how great the person is...and finally appreciate the person so much more than when he was alive and well. Well one can't say "Thank you" to a dead person, can he? It is pointless. 

Now Mr LKY is in critical condition, in the ICU... wouldn't it have been better when those words of appreciation were poured on him when he could hear them and be encouraged by them? I guess it might probably be too late. One can't turn back time. (Only God can transcend time, and only He can hear words of prayer and answer them without the constraints of time, yes?) 

Our earthly family, loved ones and friends need to hear our words of encouragement and appreciation...before death becomes imminent or certain for them, or even ourselves. Death comes to all, whether rich, powerful or intelligent. 

Life is uncertain, but death is certain. Let's make the best of life while we can, so when we finally meet our Maker, we are truly glad about what we have done with our lives and not filled with regrets. 

Carpe diem!

Secondary school

The search begins. 

Not sure which sec sch fits best for my girls. Hopefully not a neighbourhood one. :P

Hosting Reunion Dinner

... Is so much work! O_o!!

Now I am even more thankful for all the hard work my parents have put into doing each reunion dinner every single year. 

Next year, I hope that all I have to do is just EAT. 

Blessed CNY. :)

Hosting

Just hosted our dear CG at our house.

Wah it's no joke, preparing the house, cleaning up, etc.

Thank you, SW & R for hosting us so thoughtfully and lovingly each time! 

And so it begins.

Just spotted the first lizard in this house. After staying here for 1.5 months.

Some more it's a baby lizard. The parents and siblings must be nearby.

URGH.....

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." 

Luke 4:18-19

2015.

Thoughts on this not-so-new-year?

Nothing much. Been so busy trying to settle down with the household routine. 

There's SO MUCH TO DO EVERYDAY....

I have not sat down to spend time thinking or praying about this new year, or listen quietly to God to let Him speak.

But if u ask me what I hope to be able to do this year, off-hand, I think I would hope to focus on my family, friends and neighbours. I want to be able to sit down and meditate on God's Word despite the extreme tiredness and busyness. I want to be able to bless my loved ones with more of God's love and joy. Sounds ambiguous but I guess that's what's on my mind for now. And of course, hopefully help my kids with their studies, especially the older ones....especially the eldest one. PSLE IS IN TWO YEARS' TIME!!! SIAO LIAO. 

Gotta go. Prep the house for Moms bible study group meeting at my home! First time hosting a real meeting. 

And I found the theme for 2015!

Being rested in God.

Despite the busyness, despite the worries.

Finding restedness in God.

It is the year of Jubilee! 

(Realised this after the sharing and fellowship with the Moms BS group!)

Today is the first day

...where I am really doing the whole SAHM works! 

Bring kids downstairs to be fetched by their school bus!

Feed toddler breakfast!

Do laundry!

Defrost meat!

Take public transport with toddler to buy more groceries at neighbourhood mall!

Buy too much groceries!

Take cab home with overtired toddler and crazy groceries!

Cook lunch! Cook dinner (slow cooker, I love thee!).

Feed toddler lunch, wolf down my own lunch!

Bring toddler down to wait for the  trio's arrival from school bus!

Heat up lunch, get kids fed!

Throw most dishes into the dishwasher! 

Get poor toddler to nap!

Wash pot and pan!

Ask hubby what side dish he wants for dinner (lup cheong omelette)!

Nag eldest to do Chinese tuition homework, or else!

Make crying toddler sleep again! 

Blog while I can!

What a day! It's only 4.36pm!

But I am so happy. :)

PDA

Bumped into Hubby's relative at West Coast Plaza just now. The timing was perfect, he was willing to chat more next time, and so we invited him to our new home. He was actually previously on our mind for a while, but we thought he had shut out every relative away from his complicated life, so we didn't do anything. We knew that he has done through a lot in past couple of years. Glad we chatted with him briefly tonight.

So there you have it. A divine appointment.